Friend #22

I've always thought that therapy was for uneducated people who didn't know how to read up on their issues and fix them on their own. My parents sent me to therapy when I was in 9th grade so I could have "help" adjusting to their divorce. I quickly took my big brother's advice when he told me to say whatever it was the shrink needed me to say so I could leave sooner. It worked. I sure showed them!
Today I met David, who has fostered 21 at-risk young men. In addition to being married and having four children of his own, he and his wife (they're both social workers - bless them!) have ventured into the art of rehabilitating children who have it bad...real bad.
My ego and I have issues with taking parenting advice from people who don't have children. We prefer that advice-givers walk a mile in my shoes before thinking they know what's best for my children. Given that David has raised 25 children, I was willing to flood him with questions til the cows came home.
Unfortunately, I was the one in the hot seat today. After summoning the courage to raid Border's shelves for books on sibling rivalry - and reading them all - I summoned the courage to reach out and ask a pro for help. David will be my family therapist (he calls himself a "family communication specialist") for a while until I get this boy/fighting/rivalry thing sorted out.
It's bad. I like to tell myself that my siblings and I never fought this way, but I'm pretty sure my little sister has the scars to prove that oh yes, we went there. In fact, my little sister had to be rushed to the hospital because of me when she was about 9 years old. Too bad David wasn't around back then. He would have fixed us. Heck, my sister and I still fight to this day!
David reamed into me pretty hard today. To me, he was taking Mike's side and blaming me: I'm too soft, I'm not showing affection enough, I don't really hear what my kids are mad about. But My Ego and I have decided to part ways for a while. We're calling it a "separation caused by irreconcilable differences". I'm going to listen to all that the Great David has to say to me and hope for the best. It's one thing to listen and get excited about changing my parenting style within the safe confines of David's office, and another to remember the war plan during the battles. Cross your fingers. I'm goin' in.